A short…

So back a couple years ago I wrote a few flash fiction pieces centering around a specific character. I dug those back up and decided to post them after some editing. Here is the first I felt was polished enough to present… enjoy.

“Mother fucker do you want to die?”
I glance up at the man, my fingers wrapping around the grip of the Sig P220 .45 inside my jacket. “Excuse me?”
“Are you deaf too? I said get the fuck out of the car and give me the keys and your wallet.”
“Ah yes… that.” I turn the car off and open the door, palming the keys as I do so. “Not a very good car though, stalls if you accelerate too quickly, and the…”
“Shut the fuck up and give me the keys bitch.”
“I left them in the ignition for you.”
He laughs, a deep, booming laugh and pushes me backwards, pulling the door the rest of the way open and getting into the car. “Your wallet too.”
Yeah sure, it’s in my jacket…” I reach into my jacket, wrapping my fingers around the grip of my gun again.
“What the fuck, the keys aren’t in the…”
Before he finishes speaking I punch him in the throat with my keys sticking out from between my fingers. As he starts to choke, I pull my gun out and tap it against the side of his head. “You picked the wrong person to attempt Grand Theft Auto upon, my good sir.”
“Freeze! Put the gun down!”
“Oh… hello officer.”
“I said put the gun down!”
“Of course.” I say and set the gun down on the ground.
“Step away from the car.”
“If you would let me explain officer, this man was trying to steal my car, I was simply defending myself.”
“Shut up and put your hands behind your head.”
“I am only explaining officer, if you would look at my license and registration, you’ll see that this car belongs to me and the gentleman sitting inside was trying to rob me. Also, he needs an ambulance…”
“Holy shit, he’s bleeding everywhere.” As the officer looks into the car, I slide the icepick out from my pant leg and stab him in the knee. As he topples and begins to scream I stab him in the throat and stand up.
“Tisk tisk, you should have let me explain.” I wipe the icepick off on his uniform and toss it in my car. The would-be car jacker has already bled to death in my front seat, so I open the door and pull him out. “And your luck ran out a while ago.”
As I start to drive away I remember the remote sitting in the passenger seat. “Oh yes…” I flip the switch on it as I turn the corner, and smile as I hear the explosion. “Ah, too bad they wont know that the bodies were desecrated before the explosion…”

So there you go. It’s a bit disturbing, I know… but if you don’t already know that I’m a bit disturbed, then you probably should be at this site ;-).

~Ian

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About Ian E. Muller


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