Disaster Survival

Hurricane DevastationSo, this morning I woke up to the news that Hurricane Irene is heading directly towards Delaware. Now, for many this is a frightening experience. Especially for the woman who works with my father who moved here because she lived in New Orleans and lost everything during Katrina… I am sure for her this is a nightmare. But for me it’s actually rather exciting. For a variety of reasons.

  • I am a survivalist nutjob. – Yes that’s right. I get excited during disasters. I love researching survival plans and techniques. And I am always prepared. I have an emergency kit put together. I have everything I could possibly need in case of a zombie apocalypse within arms length from my desk/bed. I like to be prepared, and I like to be ready for a worst-case-scenario.
  • I like storms. – I have always loved thunderstorms since I was a little kid. They fascinate and delight me. I’m the kid that would get screamed at because I’d run outside in the middle of a thunderstorm to play in the torrential downpour… lightning doesn’t scare me. And this is potentially the worst storm I will have ever experienced. It get’s the blood pumping!
  • I like fixing things. – As odd as this sounds, I really like repairing things and the like, so if our house gets damaged, or something goes crazy wrong… I’ll have a blast repairing it afterwards. Unless our house is demolished… I wont be so happy then… no. Bad juju. BAD!

So yeah… I’m excited. Many of my friends know that I have planned extensively for a zombie apocalypse. I had a survival plan in Boston. I have a survival plan here. Not quite as good of one… but that’s because our house is a zombie death trap… one story, weak interior doors, huge windows… ugh. Just not zombie proof. It makes me sad. My apartment in Boston was a different matter though… second story, great doors, a reinforced back entrance with a steel security door on the basement, roof access… it was great. Very secure, very safe.

In Case of Zombies Break Glass

In case of Zombies, break glass!

So how does one plan for a zombie apocalypse? Well… “going to the tavern, having a nice cold pint, and waiting for this all to blow over” isn’t the best idea – no offense Shaun. Having supplies is. Non-perishable food, renewable water source, weapons, home repair supplies (plywood, nails), and survival/first aid equipment is a must. Having a protected garden (ie – tall fence, preferably not chainlink) is even better. For long term survival the farther south you are the better. Once you lose electricity or heat in the north you are screwed. Unless you have electric heat and a manual-powered generator… which isn’t hard to build. Just time consuming. And you don’t want it IN your house/apartment, so it’s also a potential safety hazard.

What about fighting? Well… fighting off the zombie hordes sounds heroic, and fun… but think about it from a more realistic standpoint. Do you have the weapons? Do you know how much force it takes to shatter a human skull? Are you really capable of killing another human being, regardless of how “dead” they look? Be honest with yourself on that last one… I’m not even sure I am. And what about weapons knowledge? Are guns your best option (no)? Do you know how to sharpen a machete? Clean a gun? Properly maintain and care for that cheap, decorative katana that will probably break after one swing? Probably not. Do you even know how to properly swing it without throwing yourself off balance? Do you know how to properly defend yourself with a knife? Defend yourself unarmed without exposing yourself to being bitten? It’s tougher than it sounds, or looks. Think about it carefully… maybe enroll yourself in some Aikido or Jujitsu classes…

And what about your family, your pets? Do you know how to care for them when you lose power permanently? Do you have a newborn? Dogs? Even cats? Can you continue to feed them? Dispose of their waste safely? Will their uncontrollable noises attract the advancing horde? Are you prepared to abandon them if they become a liability? If you’ve never been a parent… don’t even think you’re prepared to answer that question in relation to newborns/children. I’m not. And it might be harder to part with Scruffy than you think, unless you’re a cruel, heartless bastard – in which case I hope the zombies get you.

Zombie Bunny

Aw, so cute and cudd... wait a minute... OH NO!

So… are you prepared for a zombie apocalypse? Are you even prepared for a hurricane, flood, tornado… earthquake? Think about it long and hard.

Because the next one might be in your backyard.

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About Ian E. Muller


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